How do we maintain relationships in a world of social distance?
We are hearing a lot about “social distancing” as we learn to live in the new, and for many quite frightening world of Coronavirus. The World Health Organisation tell us to stay at least one meter from anyone coughing or sneezing. Some are arguing for a lot more. As the disease spreads and many have to self isolate, and large gatherings are banned, what of our deep need as humans for social contact? My introvert friends are excited. I understand, I need my introvert time. But as an extroverting introvert I do also need people!
I have a scientific background way back, I deeply respect the epidemiologists, and understand the need for physical distance to avoid spreading. But can I venture to suggest we use the phrase “spatial distance” rather than “social distance”. And follow that up with a really important conversation about “relational proximity.” In other words, we need to explore how to stay relationally close to people even when we are having to stand a meter or more away.
I confess I’ve stolen the phrase relational proximity from Christian thinker Michael Schluter of the Jubilee Centre in Cambridge. He has over the past three decades explored the place of relationships as central to public policy thinking. He tells the story of how that work emerged here. Central to his thinking is an exploration of Jesus’ great commandment, the call to love our neighbour as ourself. (Mark 12.30-32). He explores in his fascinating work how we can keep relationships central in public life – in social and health care, in government, education, business etc.
I’m essentially taking the same principles, and explore it in the realm we think we all know about. That very normal thing of how we conduct life. We all know that don’t we?! The problem now is we are entering a world where our social norms can not be norms any more. The distance you stand from someone as you speak is socially conditioned. We sort of know that don’t we, we talk of people “invading our personal space. “ We know culturally how to greet. We know when touch is appropriate or not. We learnt this stuff when we were very young.
Spatial distancing means we need to explore new social norms for this season of Coronavirus, however long it lasts. Exploring how we love our neighbour as ourself in this new world means our personal space becomes at least a meter. And a lot more.
I’d suggest we need to need to rise to the serious business of helping other people learn some new social norms. It won’t always be welcome, but its very important.
My thinking on this was deeply prompted by the Bishop of St Albans very helpful and succinct blog piece a few days ago. Coronavirus: what we haven’t heard from Government. Subtitled “The Bishop’s Coronavirus Golden Rules” he looks at four really challenging little points on how we love our neighbour while following all the really important guidelines – or what might even become rules. I’ll not steal Bishop Alan’s thunder here. Please read them for yourself - whether you regard him as your bishop or not!.
I’ll finish with this. One of the glories of St Marys church where we are based is our tiny little Barnard Chantry, which is reputably one of the the smallest chapels in England. The stories of why it’s there differ. But one is that it’s a “leper chapel”, a place where those in medieval times who were socially distanced and could not enter church because they carried the fearful disease of leprousy, could come near to the altar and receive the communion. They may have been socially distanced but they still needed to know Gods love and grace. The closeness to the altar, the outside door, and not least the Victorian stained glass windows of Jesus healing the leper all favour that story. Whether or not it’s accurate is not the point. The truth is that Jesus welcomed leper’s as he welcomed all.
Let’s stay safe and keep our physical spatial distance as we are advised to. But let’s also work out ways to reach out metaphorically and help people feel loved, valued and embraced, to extend relational proximity to all.
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For those who ask what is this to do with peace, a good question?!! Except that the Hebrew word Shalom, which we often translate peace, also means welfare, well-being and health. So it has everything to do with our own personal and our community Shalom!
The Barnard Chantry at St Marys, Luton - often spoke of as a leper chapel.